I was sick and tired of feeling sick and tired

Back in 2021 I was thoroughly fed up and bored of myself. I would wake up tired with self loathing. Another morning after the night before where I’d failed to have a night off wine. I would wake with the best intentions, today I would break free from my nightly wine habit. 5pm would roll around and I’d be back down the alcohol elevator.

But nothing changes if nothing changes.

I decided enough was enough, no one was going to come and save me. I needed to decide that I wanted a bigger and better life for myself. It suddenly dawned on me that I didn’t have to carry on this way, I didn’t need to reach a rock bottom. I could change there and then.

Making a decision to stop drinking felt incredibly empowering, it came with a sense of relief, that I was finally going to start taking care of myself. The hardest and most uncomfortable part were the days and weeks leading up to that point, the cognitive disonance, the war raging in my head. The tiny almost inaudible voice willing me to stop and the louder bossier voice who always seemed to get their own way.

There is something about making a decision, making it a non negotiable that is very powerful. I didn’t have all the answers, I was inspired by others who’d gone before me, into the alcohol free world and seemed to be thriving. I knew from my breaks from alcohol in the past that there were so many positives and I was determined to embrace them.

Life still delivers challenges, but facing them sober, with clarity and a sense of calm means the big things are no longer quite as big and the little things tend to pass me by.

For so many years I was convinced that alcohol brought with it genuine joy, I’d developed tunnel vision. I became more interested in where the next glass was coming from than any other activity. Without even realising it, I was pushing away other opportunities for happiness. The biggest gift in this sober life has been joy!